Today I just watched the last episode of Friends. Yes, Season 10 episode 20. It was so heart wrenching to know the 'Friends' era is coming to a close. I'm so lagging behind because the shows last episode was back in 2004.

Throughout every episode, the show made me grow attached to it making them part of me. I guess I long for friendship like that; when friends are your family. I'm overwhelmed with sentimental feelings because the show had been running for 10 successive years! Apart of the humongous salary they earn per episode, its the friendship they forge in the process of time.

I watched their interviews in the 'Tonight's Show', Opera Show, Ellen Show. I could sense the lost and sadness when reality hit them. Its not fame or money that they are missing but each other. Practically they spent their lives watching each other grow old!

I was badly affected, felt lost and saddened.. My god.. lol..

My mind is all flustered with thoughts and worries. Now I know the root problem. Things can be under control with proper thinking w/o involving emotions.

Been feeling the stress about my studies. Paying the price for not managing my time properly and taking for granted the time I had back in the early days of this semester. Now exams are right around the corner. 4 weeks from now to be exact. Then there is my finances. Currently I'm relying heavily on my parents which I really don't feel comfortable. Since the beginning of the year, I've been deciding whether I should get a full time job, part time job or no job until I graduate. I get a full time job, I would have problems dedicating time for my studies, a part time job would mean I have to work outside my field such as Sales, Admin, etc. No work? No dough. By the time I graduate, I would be 26 and a fresh graduate if I take a part time job outside my field. Not feeling too good about that because I feel I've lost enough time.

After talking to dear, I've decided! I've made my final decision to concentrate in getting through this semester first then I'll find a part time job. Most importantly I work hard for a good degree. Its true.. I'm blessed to have my studies and expenses taken care of. 26 yrs old a fresh degree graduate is not an issue rather than at 26 yrs old and still a diploma holder. I must treasure and focus on this opportunity that I have now.

I will not entertain negative thoughts. Thoughts of worry, thoughts of myself being incompetent, thoughts of bailing out of studies. I'll focus and work hard. I still have time to make amendments and make things right!

I thought Easter Drama production was a fresh concept. Fusing the past and future together and made it quite an enjoyable journey. They add a personal touch at the end of it in which I was impacted by it. Jesus loves us even though we turn our backs many times. Jesus experience betrayal twice by Peter and Judas, yet He still loves them unconditionally. Like a husband taking his adulterous wife back with wide open arms. All over the world, the worst crime you can commit is betrayal. You will get your citizenship revoked and blacklisted from entering the country! Imagine the level of love Jesus has for us up to this present day!

Today's drama made me think about my life. At times I did mistakes of omission and then feel bad after that. I asked myself how do people who love God, like Pastor Kong, abstain from sin? The answer: Relationship experience

When one experience God's love in a personal way. Like really know the heart of God kind of relationship. One would always bear God's feelings in mind like how a loving husband is to his wife. When they encounter a situation that they know their love ones would feel something against it, they are immediately reminded of it and would choose a choice that would be pleasing to his/her love one. Same with our relationship with God. How to establish that kind of relationship? Personal quiet time with God, enjoying His presence and communion with Him in your secret place. When God has a place in our hearts, He'll express himself in our lives. Then we shine for Him!

I want Him in my heart.

Pst Phil was in town over the weekend to minister to us in church. He was sharing about how we can move in the Holy Spirit through our trials in life. I like it when he steps in and touch on issues at the right time. A word in season for the church.. that's moving in the Spirit!

Pst Phil said trials are present as a 'compliment' from God. Every time we are hit by trials means God knows its time for you to receive a higher anointing! A real statement from him:" Things go wrong when you are in the will of God."

What really impact me the most was the issue of where our confidence lie in. Like plants, we root ourselves to environments, we come alive when we're under these conditions and thrive. All of us receive Jesus into our lives, our root system is drawing life from the teachings and encounters with him. But its also important that we have our root system within itself. Most of us are swayed by people's opinion on us. For example, we are 'alive' when people recognise the things we do or receive compliments and praises, once these are taken away, we wilt spiritually and in ourselves. Rooted within ourselves gives us happiness and confidence in being us. We're real, don't feel threatened, being free in expressing who you really are and that results in loving ourselves!

Personally I 'thrive' when people around me, especially my family, doing well in their walk with God and others would recognise the things I do. All that must change. I need to be rooted in myself. Its an important issue especially when I'm rising up as a CGL. A leader leads, confident of himself and his ability. I want to have confidence in myself.

*Picture taken from City Harvest Church website "Photo Gallery"*

Muahahaha.. I got this chair when I complained I couldn't study well with my old one. So happen that day my parents rented a car and I had this idea of getting a new chair while we were out having lunch. I bought this at Ikea Queensway! Price is at around the $100 range. =)

The way to servanthood is at its highest is the way down. Pst. Kong shared a strong message which I personally found it hard to take. I felt really serviced on the inside. Major overhaul of myself getting rid of the worn out, bad stuff that affects my performance in my service to God. Gosh! I now describe myself like a car. My pride stripped apart from my heart, the love of God was overwhelming that melts my heart from its cold harden state.

I admit my life needs a long process of change. On being a leader which seems to be an uphill task. But I sense in my heart that it takes the heart to decide on being one. For the past 6 years being in City Harvest, God has brought me to higher places, higher calling for my life. My mindset is renewed time and again, always reminded of the one thing I'm in church for a cause. Not just being saved but fulfulling a commandment to make disciples.

The week before last week was a kick-ass service, last weekend was a hard kick in the butt! I'll never forget that service when I stood up before God to tell Him He can use me as and when He wants to. I've decided on a choice to be willing to fulfill God's true calling on my life.

"Lord I pray for strength and wisdom to last through a life time glorifying Your name. Whether is it at work, in school or in church, I want that life where I have the ability to influence. I was passive but now I want to be proactive for my life. But this life, I can never live out through my own strength BUT Christ who strengthens me. I don't believe in just a cross, I believe in a living God in whom I am well please to serve." -Chris

I took action on sunday, doing something about cell group. Its housekeeping time! I'm honestly not satisfied about how things are going in cell group. Both inside out are not up to standard. Glad i'm not saying i'm gonna do something about it, i'm doing something about it already..

Last week service was kick-ass. Pst. Kong preached about servanthood. I felt it was something that needs to be addressed in church. Personally i was convicted. I complained in my heart and gave an earful to God and dear.. hehe.. But now i'm glad i'm serving God as a CgL (connect group leader). I also have plenty of housekeeping within myself. My character and mindset. The thing about me is that i'm passive. I have knowledge but not putting them into action. Its time i slain my flesh, cut off the bad parts in my life and mould myself anew.

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